The First and Last Halloween
by xkilluas
Summary: (Major Manga Spoilers) The first Halloween Eiji's had to celebrate since Ash's death.


Tick...

Tick….

Tick…..

The room was pretty quiet, aside from the repetitive faded sounds of the clock. Minutes passed, then hours, but Eiji stood wrapped in a blanket on the sofa.

He remained unmoving, unmotivated. Especially when he knew what holiday it was. . .

Halloween.

Back in Japan, the holiday wasn't such a big deal. But since Eiji had came back to America, October did well to remind a person every waking second of Halloween.

Eiji wouldn't mind so much, if the holiday didn't withhold certain memories for him. It's been a couple of months already, since he found out the worst possible news.

But the pain didn't feel any less brutal.

Eiji had planned to move back to Japan after he was shot, but the moment he heard the news of Ash's death, he couldn't believe it. Despite his terrible physical condition, Eiji demanded to go back to New York.

He couldn't believe it.

No. Ash…. He couldn't possibly have lost Ash.

When he wrote that letter to Ash, all he prayed for was that Ash would take up the offer to come to Japan to him. A boy that suffered his entire life, sexually, physically and emotionally abused. He deserved the opportunity to start over, to get a chance at a normal life.

Eiji wanted to give that to him. Yet it seemed like the world had other plans, and didn't give Ash what he rightfully deserved.

Now he constantly thought in his mind, 'Why did it have to end up like this?'

Eiji absolutely refused to believe Ash was really dead, until the funeral. Max handled all expenses for the funeral, and invited Eiji being that he had the closest relationship with Ash.

Utter shock when Eiji encountered his lifeless body in the casket. He really didn't want it to be true, yet the proof was right there in front of him.

Eiji slowly walked over to the casket. ''He looks so peaceful…'' The first words Eiji managed to say since arriving at the funeral, forcing a smile to try and make it seem like he was handling this well.

But he wasn't. He really wasn't.

A hand reached to caress Ash's face, gently brushing blonde strands from his face. His skin was so cold to the touch, unlike the times he hugged Ash and felt nothing but warmth.

''Ash….'' Eiji had been biting down on his lip, holding his emotions back. Until he felt a comforting hand stroke his back, and Eiji looked over to see Ibe.

''Ei-chan, it's okay to let it out if you need to. We all know you're hurting.'' A nod of understanding came from the older. After given permission, Eiji collapsed to his knees.

His chest hurt, it was so hard to breath. His vision blinded by the unbearable amount of tears that streamed down his face. His entire body shook with his breakdown. Eiji's sobs filled the quiet funeral home.

Even if not everyone there shared a close relationship with Ash, the way Eiji did… they felt it.

Seeing someone as uplifting, and optimistic as Eiji break down would make anyone feel it. Ibe stood there and hugged him in his arms, trying his best to comfort the boy. But there was only so much he could do.

Max, was hit just as hard over Ash's death. Having lost Griffin, then losing Griffin's younger brother. Someone who he practically considered a son. Seeing Eiji, he just had to look away.

''It's not true…!'' Eiji began saying over and over, ''It's not true, it's not! Ash…!''

After that day, Eiji pretty much went about his days as if everything was fine. He didn't talk about anything relating to Ash. If someone accidentally brought up him in a topic, Eiji would simply grow quiet, or even walk away.

Still, he remained in complete denial. Certain places he wouldn't even consider going to if they reminded him too much of Ash. That especially included the library. A place where Ash often went to find peace, and the same place they found his dead body. Fear always wallowed up inside him when the library came into his view, feeling as if the building would swallow him whole if he even considered taking a step near it.

So, on that first Halloween since Ash's death he just remained quiet. Staring forward as he remained wrapped in a blanket on the couch.

A picture frame rested on the coffee table in front of him. Eyes never strayed away from it. The frame held a picture of Ash on Halloween the year before, it was when he had found out Ash was scared of pumpkins and decided to bring a bunch of them up to the apartment they were living in to freak him out.

Eiji thought it was funny. Ash Lynx, a fierce gang leader who's gunned down so many horrifying people was afraid of pumpkins. Pretty ironic.

If he remembered well, Ash looked like he was about to cry when he saw all those pumpkins. It really was amusing.

What sucked, was that now any mention of pumpkins or Halloween just made him think of Ash. His memory was etched so deeply into his mind, forgetting him seemed impossible.

He didn't want to forget Ash. . . But his memory was so painful.

The knocks on the door managed to steer his attention away from the picture for a few moments. Eiji lifted himself from the sofa, and went to grab the bucket of candy Ibe had prepared for any kids that came for Halloween.

When Eiji opened the door, a few kids had been excitedly waiting outside with their goodie bags, dressed as a variety of different things.

''Trick or treat!'' They all beamed simultaneously with grins, Eiji just tried his best to smile and began placing candy in each of their bags. One of the kids caught his attention above the rest. Blonde hair. . . and jaded green eyes.

Did Ash look like this as a child? Did he smile without a care in the world, and actually manage to live like a normal child?

''. . .Happy Halloween…'' He tried to seem enthusiastic, but Eiji only sounded tired and depressed.

It would be a lie to say he wasn't.

The kids went on to continue their candy collecting, but the kid he took a little notice of before stood there.

''...Mister?'' Eiji looked down to see the boy looking up at him, ''Why do you look so sad?''

''I just… really miss someone.'' Eiji admitted with a frown, ''I really miss them, especially on a day like today…''

''I hope you get to see whoever it is you miss soon, since you look so sad.'' The kid looked genuinely concerned, to which Eiji just softly laughed and gave him an extra bit of candy.

''Maybe one day.'' Eiji knew that was a lie, but he didn't want to bum out a random kid. ''You should go back to your friends, it wouldn't be good if they leave you behind.''

The kid thanked him and scurried off back to the group. When Eiji closed the door, he sighed as he placed the bucket back on the table.

Eiji sat back on the sofa, hand reaching for the picture frame. ''Ash… that kid kind of looked like you.'' he muttered softly, even though he was fully aware he wasn't getting any type of response back.

''I always thought Halloween was a fun holiday that Americans celebrated. They dress in costume, set up carved pumpkins that light up, and then go around to ask for candy. I thought that was cool, but…'' his fingers clutched at the frame with Ash's picture, ''I hate Halloween now… I hate it.. I hate it so much…''

He ran a hand through his hair as tears fell and drenched the glass of the frame. ''I miss you so much. . . Ash…'' a crack in his voice, as he he uttered out those words. Moving on from his memory was going to be… so difficult.

As Eiji sat there, crying. . .

Little did he know, someone watching him felt the same way.

Jaded hues watched in agony, filled with so much regret. He never wanted someone to end up so hurt, and broken because of him.

It wasn't even possible for him to tell Eiji that everything would be okay. Yet, he still tried desperately. Hands attempting to cup his face, and wipe away those tears.

''Don't cry Eiji… please.'' He begged in a soft voice, ''Don't feel like this... because of me.''

It was all for naught, since there was realistically no way possible for Eiji to hear his pleads of reassurance. But he missed Eiji just as much.

''Eiji….''

''Ash…''

Life just… didn't want to be fair for either of them.


End file.
